namaste

Problem: Kalagitnaan na ng Marso, uhaw na uhaw na sa post ang blog na 'to. Ang kaso, tinatamad pa akong magsulat
Solution: Ilalagay ko na lang ang tugon ko sa email ng isang kapatid sa panulat. Heto na...

Hello ******,

It’s so nice to hear from you again. I’ve been wondering how you were. Now I know you’ve been swimming in contemplative waters. The mystery of life’s meaning kamo? Hay naku, napakahirap sagutin ng katanungang ‘yan. I’m sure even the wisest of sages can’t figure that one out. Tayo pa kaya na mga ordinaryong nilalang lang? It’s so hard to keep up with life. Sometimes when you think you’ve got everything figured out and then life throws you a curb ball and you’re back to groping for answers again.

Kaya nga ako, pause muna sa pag-iisip. Pakiramdam ko kasi mababaliw lang ako nagpursige ako. For now, I just let things come and handle the punches the best way I can. Although I have to admit I’m scared shitless. Who wouldn’t be? Life is daunting. Agree or disagree?

Honestly, I’m not so sure anymore if I’m heading down the right track or not. Reality is a bummer, it keeps pulling my head out of the clouds. Problem is, I find the alternative roads before me to be less appealing. Utmost in my mind right now is this question: am I indulging myself too much to my own detriment? Nakaka-lokang mag-isip ng sagot sa tanong na ‘yan kaya nga sabi ko pause muna ako sa pag-iisip. What I know for sure is that the idealist inside me is putting up a great fight.

Now on to writing and money. Your friend is absolutely right. We shouldn’t dwell on our discontent because of the meager amount we receive. Of course that’s easier said than done. I try my hardest not to equate writing with money. Kasi kapag naiisip ko ‘yon, ang sama ng i-therefore-conclude ng utak ko. Nakakahiya mang aminin pero may mga pagkakataong naglalaro sa isip ko ang ideyang ba’t ko ibubuhos ang lahat-lahat-lahat ko sa panulat ko kung ang katumbas ay kakarampot lang naman? Mali eh. Ang sagwa. Kaya erase, erase, erase… Nanunood ka naman ng Dr. Phil di ba? I’m sure alam mo yung tungkol sa frequently used line niya about currency. Iyon na lang ang iniisip ko para hindi ako gaanong madismaya. The thing is, nadidiktahan ba ang utak?

* a very deep and long sigh *

Tama na nga ang introspection, sumasakit na ang ulo ko. Shrug off the worries na lang para masaya, di ba? Ngiti na lang tayo. Life will sort itself out.