unforgotten

Just a little backgrounder, although Unforgotten Love wasn't my first published novel, it was the very story I wrote. It was rejected TWICE before finally getting the okay. Years later, it's out on the shelves again. I'm honored and flattered that my publisher chose to reprint it.

Punung-puno ng insecurity ang buhay ni Laurice. At sinisisi niya ang kanyang ina dahil doon. Sa buong buhay niya ay hindi niya naramdaman ang pagmamahal nito.

Nang makilala niya si Basti ay biglang nagkakulay ang kanyang mundo. She fell in love with him the first time she saw him. Lalo pa siyang natuwa nang malaman niya na may katugon din ang damdaming iyon. Pinunan ng pag-ibig nito ang mga puwang sa kanyang puso na nilikha ng kanyang mama.

Ngunit bumalik ang insecurity niya nang pasukin nito ang mundo ng musika. Alam niya kung gaano ka-demanding ang ganoong propesyon. But she was ready to sacrifice. Ayaw niyang agawin ang kaligayahang nakikita niya rito kapag umaawit ito.

Subalit may natuklasan siya. Tila hindi lang career nito ang kaagaw niya sa atensiyon nito...

Mahirap para kay Laurice ang paglimot kay Basti; ngunit kailangan niyang gawin iyon, gaano man kalaki ang pag-ibig niya rito. Marahil nga ay hanggang doon na lang sila. She had to move on with her life.

But when she had finally gotten over the pain of losing him, saka naman ito nagbalik sa Pilipinas. Sa pagkikita nilang muli, nais sana niyang sumbatan ito sa ginawa nito noon. Pero inunahan siya nito ng galit na para bang siya ang may kasalanan kung bakit sila nagkahiwalay. Lalo pa at may nadiskubre ito sa kanya na inakala nitong matagal niyang inilihim dito.

Alam niya sa sariling mahal pa rin niya ito. Pero kaya pa ba niyang magtiwala? Isa pa, kaya ba niyang buwagin ang pader na iniharang nito sa sarili?

overthinking again

Camilla and I were talking yada-yada last Saturday when out of the blue I asked her how long does she sit in front of the PC. Translated, this question meant how many hours in a day does she spend writing. The answer she gave me was this: "Halos hindi na ako tumatayo."

Grabe. No wonder she's last years second most prolific writer. This year she claims that she'll get number one. I believe her. Last year her output was in the fifties. Now I'm sure it'll be in the sixties. A far cry from my pathetic six! Boo-hoo me. Really pathetic and I hate myself with a capital H for it.

I wanted to tell her, "Ako rin naman."

This is true. In any given day I spend close to 16 hours in front of the PC. The sad difference between us is that my short attention span prevents me from making those 16 hours as productive as I would want them to be. Focus is something lacking in my genes. I'm not exaggerating about this. Even if I'm only chatting with my friends, I jump from one topic to another without being aware of it. ADD? I guess so. Sometimes I even think I have Asperger's Syndrome. But then again, that's probably just the hypochondriac in me talking.

There's this phenomenon they call creative trance or lucid dreaming. I've experienced this. Any creative writer, esp. the prolific, I'm sure have been through one. The thing with me is whenever I find myself in this state, I tend to doze off. Pray tell, how then will I be able to write when I'm asleep?

To combat this, I drink coffee. Loads and loads of coffee--hence the insomnia. Or energy drinks. RIght now I have three bottles of Cobra chilling in the fridge for later, hehe. The only problem is, when my head's buzzing with caffeine, I find it difficult to dive into the writing zone.

My oh my, what a nasty cycle I've managed to weave myself into.