another ooh child day

I bawled my eyes out yesterday morning. Nag-follow up ako ng manuscript at ang sabi sa akin for revision (again!) yung pinasa ko. Double revision na siya bale. This is a first for me. Hindi ko talaga siya inaasahan. And I really felt bad about it. Ang resulta, waterworks. That's me, Ang laki-laki kung tao pero sobrang iyakin ko.

I felt frustration plus disappointment plus the dread of asking moolah help from my bro all at the same time. The last bit's a toughie. Hindi na kasi supportive sa chosen path ko ang kuya ko. Mabagal daw kasi ang asenso. So true. Alam ko disappointed at frustrated din siya sa nangyayari. We've talked about this already many times before. We just can't see eye to eye kaya para lang kaming nasa merry-go-round.

Yesterday, when I called, he let his wife do the talking. That's how I know that he's mightily displeased. My sister in law cited Ms. Zafra as an example. Apparently, in one of her articles, she stated something about writing not being a stable and financially rewarding career. Again, so true. I was asked, paano daw kung puro revision ang mangyayari. I asked myself the same question, pa'no nga ba?

Hindi ko din alam ang sagot. Ang alam ko lang, hindi pa ako handang bumalik sa "makinarya". And I'm not sure I'd ever be ready to. I could follow my brother's advice and take up nursing so I could go to the States where the money is. But I can't see myself being happy doing that either. I don't know if I'm being stupid or what. Tama nga siguro si Dr. Phil, lahat ng tao may kanya-kanyang "currency" and not all has a dollar peso sign on it. Ever since kasi, hindi ako na-motivate ng pera. I recognize it as something that I need but I won't bend myself backwards just to get it. Okay na sa akin ang sapat lang. Unfortunately, that ain't the case with writing. Ang bagal ko kasing magsulat. Why? Cause, every time I write, I go head to head with my self-doubt demons.

Libet, ever the great best friend that she is helped me get my mind off the whole deal by giving me an account of what happened to her at the doctors last Friday. Aray! I won't go into the details basta, kuwento pa lang, tunog masakit na. In light of what she's going through, minsan naiisip ko na wala akong karapatang ma- *insert synonym for "feel bad" here* sa kaliit-liitang bagay gaya ng revision. That stuff happens. At least, I've control of my problem. Nasa akin ang solution. All I've to do is write more so that eventually I could write better.

Okay, enough of that.

In other news. Since I wasn't in a writing mood the other day, I decided to work on my proposed layout for the series that I wrote. Medyo pa-cutie-cutie yung nagawa ko to match the logo that my nephew Andre did for me. Pero off tangent sa nilalaman ng mga kuwento kasi medyo seryoso yung series. Bahala na. Sana ma-aprubahan yung layout.



I asked this friend of mine who's good with graphics if she could help me with my layout. Pero hindi na rin natuloy yung hiling ko kasi nga ginanahan ako kaya ako na lang ang gumawa. I told her that and she commented something to the effect na, ang galing siguro kung ako na nga ang nagsulat, ako pa ang gumawa ng cover layout, tapos ako rin ang nag-drawing ng illustration.

Oo nga. Ang kewl siguro nu'n. Kaya lang yung last bit, mukhang malayo pang mangyari. I swore mag-aaral akong mag-drawing ng illustrations kaya lang hindi na ako nakakapag-sketch lately. Wala lang. I guess, wala lang ako sa mood.

This same friend me a text message saying that my book "Out of the Blue" is out already. Nagpunta ako kanina sa neighborhood talipapa para bumili ng kopya kaya lang nada. Ayoko ng dumayo pa sa malayo kaya hihintayin ko na lang yung compli copy. I can't wait.