overthinking again

Camilla and I were talking yada-yada last Saturday when out of the blue I asked her how long does she sit in front of the PC. Translated, this question meant how many hours in a day does she spend writing. The answer she gave me was this: "Halos hindi na ako tumatayo."

Grabe. No wonder she's last years second most prolific writer. This year she claims that she'll get number one. I believe her. Last year her output was in the fifties. Now I'm sure it'll be in the sixties. A far cry from my pathetic six! Boo-hoo me. Really pathetic and I hate myself with a capital H for it.

I wanted to tell her, "Ako rin naman."

This is true. In any given day I spend close to 16 hours in front of the PC. The sad difference between us is that my short attention span prevents me from making those 16 hours as productive as I would want them to be. Focus is something lacking in my genes. I'm not exaggerating about this. Even if I'm only chatting with my friends, I jump from one topic to another without being aware of it. ADD? I guess so. Sometimes I even think I have Asperger's Syndrome. But then again, that's probably just the hypochondriac in me talking.

There's this phenomenon they call creative trance or lucid dreaming. I've experienced this. Any creative writer, esp. the prolific, I'm sure have been through one. The thing with me is whenever I find myself in this state, I tend to doze off. Pray tell, how then will I be able to write when I'm asleep?

To combat this, I drink coffee. Loads and loads of coffee--hence the insomnia. Or energy drinks. RIght now I have three bottles of Cobra chilling in the fridge for later, hehe. The only problem is, when my head's buzzing with caffeine, I find it difficult to dive into the writing zone.

My oh my, what a nasty cycle I've managed to weave myself into.